Paul Blart Meets the Baby Dinosaur Gang
by Rub Tumtum
Summary: Paul Blart meets the Baby Dinosaur Gang from Land Before Time and begins a journey that will change the hidden valley forever.
1. Chapter 1 THE HAPPENING

**Paul Blart Meets the Baby Dinosaur Gang™** By Rub Tumtum.

**CHAPTER 1. The Happening.**

Paul Blart glanced over his shoulder. Then his other shoulder. He blinked the sweat from his eyes. He couldn't risk anyone seeing him watch his favorite movie, _The Land Before Time, _and watching it at the mall was risky, but he had heard that all his favorite characters would be making a surprise appearance that week to promote _The Land Before Time; ON ICE, _and he simply HAD to brush up on his already encyclopedic knowledge of the film before they arrived. His iphone nearly slipped through his damp, clammy hands, but once the opening theme started, his grip tightened like a vice. Euphoria rushed through Paul Blart's very soul as he watched Littlefoot, still only a hatchling, greedily devour treestars.

"Hey Bozo. Where's the treestar store?" came a familiar voice.

Paul Blart turned to find none other than Cera™ the horrible triceratops baby, grimacing up at him. Her wrinkled skin stretched around her pursed beak-like mouth as she regarded Paul Blart's girth with disapproval.

"Ce- Ce- Ce- Cer" Paul Blart couldn't help stammering. This was like one of his drunken fever dreams, which would haunt him long afterwards and remind him why he didn't drink. Cera of the baby dinosaur gang was HERE. She was staring at him. Judging his every Paul Blart movement. He couldn't afford to look bad in front of one of his heroes. Before he could regain his composure LITTLEFOOT™ arrived!

"Hey." Said the wise leader of the Baby Dinosaur Gang™. " Nice segway." somehow Paul Blart had been so shocked that he had failed to notice that Cera and Littlefoot had been riding on segways he whole time. Paul Blart nearly peed himself! THEY HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON ALL ALONG! Paul Blart longed to discuss his favorite segway speed settings, and now was his chance, but just as he was opening his mouth to reply, Littlefoot addressed his surly subordinate aloud; "Cera, you cant just ask fat guys on segways where the treestar store is. You have to say 'Show us where the treestar store is _or else!'_"

Paul Blart's blood ran cold. He had heard rumors about the true nature of the Baby Dinosaur Gang™ and the way they would get whatever they wanted. He had always laughed and refused to believe, but now he knew he was in denial. He was at their mercy, and there was only one option; fight or flee.

"Please, Baby Dinosaur Gang™!" Paul Blart sobbed openly as he screamed his plea while speeding through the crowded mall away from the pursuing prehistoric infants. "Please don't bite me on the penis!" Spike™ and Ducky™ had joined the hunt on their own segways, and all four were gaining on their prey. Paul Blart couldn't run forever, especially because he was about to crash into a Cinnabon.

**TO BE CONTINUED.**


	2. Chapter 2 THE SIXTH SENSE

**PAUL BLART meets the BABY DINOSAUR GANG; **

chapter 2; The Sixth Sense

Paul Blart's life flashed before his eyes as he flew over the counter of cinnabon. He saw glimpses of himself as a young man of twenty three, running from 13 year old bullies who would yell hurtful names like 'weird fat dinosaur guy' and throw pinecones at him. He saw himself years later, his wife leaving him and his young daughter. She would never understand Littlefoot™'s journey and what it meant to Paul Blart. He saw himself hitting rock bottom, and praying to the great longnecks to give him strength to defeat the terrorists who had taken over the mall.

Those dreams of honorable dinosaurs had been shattered in an instant. The Baby Dinosaur Gang™'s segways halted in front of the cinnibon. They watched with baleful eyes as Paul Blart rise from behind the counter, covered in cinnamon rolls.

The guy working at cinnibon stared at the wrinkled dinosaur youths, in disbelief. He turned to Paul Blart as if looking for an explanation, but all paul Blart would provide was trembling terror.

"YOU HAVE TO HELP ME" Paul Blart managed to blurt out in a hoarse whisper, "THEYRE GOING TO BITE ME ON MY-"

"BDUUUUH" interrupted Spike™ with meaningful inflection. Paul Blart gave a girlish scream as he noticed the ageless dinosaurs hoisting their sagging bulky torsos over the counter. Paul Blart darted backwards and into a secret passageway he had sensed years before but never fully investigated.

Working so intimately within a mall allows a mall cop to pick up on subtle things like secret closets and passageways that the original architects never built and coul'dnt explain. This unspoken bond with the mall is called 'Mall Sense' and it's what helped Paul Blart defeat a squad of professional heist-master terrorists singlehandedly.

Paul Blart scampered down the passage, not thinking about where it would lead, trusting his mall-sense. Suddenly the floor gave way under him and he fell into a public restroom.

"ACK! Me startled! Me no expect big fat guy to fly from ceiling. You no good flyer!" Paul Blart shambled into a corner and glanced around. There, sitting in the urinal wearing a urinal cake as a hat, was none other than PETRIE.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
